Fuck you, Louie. Only Joss Whedon is allowed to kill off characters I really like. Seriously, I’m all down now. I mean, he finally finds Liz, and then bleeeeeeh.
“I feel like I’m going to die if I can’t be with you; and I can’t be with you, so I’m going to die. And I don’t care. Cause I was brought into existence to know you, and that’s enough. The idea that you would want me back? It’s like, greedy.”
*Louie has followed his date up numerous flights of stairs, and they finally reach the roof. She walks over to the ledge, with a beautiful view of the city. Louie joins her at the ledge, slowly peers over the edge at the bottom, grasping how high up they are. He backs away immediately. She is full of joy, and keeps trying to coax him over to sit with her on the ledge. He urges his date to back away and come over to him where it’s safer*
“Do you know why you’re scared?”
Louie: *panicked* “Yeah, ‘cause of falling, and it’s high, so you will die! At least come where you can’t fall. I don’t want you to fall. Come over where it’s impossible for falling to happen..
“But the only way I would fall, is if I jumped.”
*Louie pauses a moment*
“That’s why you’re afraid to come over here. Because a tiny part of you wants to jump. Because it would be so easy. But I don’t want to jump. So I’m not afraid. I would never do that. *she takes in the view of the city, smiling, then looks at Louie* I’m having too good of a time.
*Louie smiles. A genuine, full-hearted, smile*
“I know that being a woman in New York must be hard because it’s basically maybe disappointing because you try to be nice to men as human beings and then they respond by just torpedoing towards your vagina. I want you to know that I’m aware that you’re young and beautiful and I’m not either of those things and part of me knows that once my lips stop moving you’re gonna say no but please think of the fact that it’s low risk what I’m asking. You just come out with me for a drink and even if you got up and left in the middle of the one drink I wouldn’t hold it against you. So just make a judgment that nothing horrible would happen if you came out with me. I think you’re so attractive, I’m attracted to you because you are nice and you are a decent person and other reasons that you probably want people to be attracted to. And also you’re horribly cute, you’re cute as hell and I grow on people, women, as time goes by you get past the bald head and I sweat a lot and I’m lumpy. I’ve run out of things to say can you tell me now? Did this work?”
“Nice job on the asking out.” I concur! And that folks right there is why Louis CK sets Emmy nomination records. BRILLIANT. Psst Parker Posey I love you too.
That’s basically how I try to ask girls out sometimes, except it doesn’t work. See, this is what we call an “all in” move. You’re putting all your poker chips on the table. If she says no, there’s no way you can even set foot near her again. You’ll be that weirdo that she said no to and keeps sticking around. All the nice little convos you had with her will never happen again. If you just say “Yah wanna go out sometime?” and she says “no” it’s not such a big deal. But when you totally expose how much you’re attracted to this person, and how flawed your are, and how nervous you are, it’s totally leaving yourself vulnerable.